Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.

On Jack Bauer's Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.

Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer.

When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.

Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear bomb went off.

Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.

Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12"

Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.

Bauer is not word, it is a sentence...A death sentence.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's f#cking beef.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Explosions do not kill Jack Bauer, they just get stuff out of his way.

Kim Bauer was an accident. Not even the pill can stop Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.

Superman is one of the few individuals who could possibly survive a confrontation with Jack Bauer. But that is only because he can fly away.

Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

As a child, Jack Bauer taught his dog to play dead...once.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Jack Bauer has the heart of a terrorist. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.

The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"

Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.

Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better f#cking do it.

Jack Bauer once opened a can of whoop ass. All he found inside was a mirror.

Jack Bauer doesn't take fingerprints, he takes fingers.

Jack Bauer once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Jack Bauer went as himself one year for Halloween.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer went out to the desert, and was bitten by a rattlesnake. The snake died.

When Jack Bauer is running, you'd better f#cking run as well, if he's chasing you, you should just shoot yourself.

The truth may hurt, but it doesn't hurt as much as Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer does not need to use a silencer... he just tells his gun to be quiet.

When 24 airs on the Spanish channel everyones lines are translated except for Jack's. The reason for this, nobody speaks for Jack Bauer.

If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.

Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.



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